The Goon Line 014: A Cameo from a true star

We all have access to a platform that allows us to pay money to whisper things into celebrities’ (sorry, “celebrities’”) ears and then make them say those things. Cameo has been a wild step into famous- and famous-ish-person culture and interactions in the 21st century, and I have spent a not-small amount of money over the last six or so years getting desperate Housewives to accidentally mispronounce my brother-in-law’s name or deliver an uncomfortably long monologue about building a new house.

Before I get distracted by actually doing the math to tabulate my cumulative Cameo puppetry costs, though, let me tell you who will give you the best one.

We got this “as a baby gift” in November 2020, on a gamble that our new-parent friends would appreciate a Cameo from Kato Kaelin more than a pig onesie or a rectal thermometer. I had no idea how or if Kato would even deliver, but… wow, did he. (My only prompt was to provide the senders’ and the recipients’ names, where we all lived and a request for “advice for the baby.”)

THIS IS A MAN WHO HAS COMMITTED TO THE BIT. This song is catchy as shit. I used to be pretty grossed out by earnestness and any display of something that even mildly smelled of someone actually putting in effort, but Kato left it all on the Cameo stage, and created something that I am still talking about three and a half years later. (And, not for nothing, but the child we got this for now knows this song. A true jam.)

So, leave your Sonjas Morgan and Captains Lee for those who feel like breaking the bank — and instead use your creepy Cameo dollars on someone who’ll really make it count.

_{Brought to you by Americans for Kato 2024}