The Goon Line 046: A piece of journalism I barely read

Welp, it happened. I apologize for my unexcused absence yesterday. I’m sure nobody even noticed, but I’m mostly, stupidly using this as an accountability exercise for myself.

BUT SAY NOTHING OF THE MISTAKES OF THE PAST; LET’S TURN A NEW PAGE ON THE INTERNET TODAY, SHALL WE?

(It has been two hours since I banged out the above text. I’ve done a bunch of other tasks/work, but this draft has just been open alongside six billion other neglected tabs, waiting me for it to come back to it and make some cute quip about the internet.)

The truth is I haven’t found anything cool or interesting online lately, or at least anything I want to get all peppy about in the “pages” of this “newsletter.” I’ve hit a little bit of a slump lately, to be honest, and am experiencing a period of online ennui (how horrifying is the implication that something like that even exists. GO OUTSIDE).

I have opened my computer less than I normally do over the last week and a half so that I could live slightly offline for a little while (listen, I know I really phoned it in last week), and that has helped a little, but I’m not ready to return to my normal level of online excavation.

So I’ll phone it in today, too, as I try to shake off this 27-year-itch feeling that I’ve been going through in my relationship with the internet. And I’ll give you this, an article I ONLY BARELY SKIMMED and do not plan to read in any greater depth, although a cursory once-over made it seem like a real ride. Anyway, it’s about a guy named Bum Farto and I just laughed really loud in the coffee shop when I saw it.

I cannot wait to write my first musical, “The Ballad of Bum Farto,” to be performed in high schools starting in 2027.

BUM FARTO. 🫡